So I decided to take a four week break (at least) from social media. My life feels really fucking fogged up by other people’s shit. I realized how entrenched I was in my damn screen and how easy it was for me to check out of my own life. I have too much self improvement to tackle to worry about everyone else’s mundane shit.
Don’t get me wrong, I am very grateful for social media and I definitely think it has its place but I guess I just wasn’t doing it right.
I suffer immensely with not being able to live in the moment.
We could be sitting in a room together having a great conversation and chances are that I am stricken with anxiety sitting across from you making a to-do list for as soon as I walk in the door; or fretting over how bed time is going to go. I live paralyzed by the future and the very certain uncertainty of life. And you know what exacerbates this? Social fucking media. Because I can tune out and numb myself to cope with the suffocation of perfectionism and the need to always be doing something. I realized it was a problem when I would be sitting with my daughter and closing and scrolling the same three apps for a considerable chunk of time. It’s like watching an episode of Black Mirror.
Something I am struggling with right now is slowing down and being present. This life is too good for me to not be able to live it without my smart phone clenched in my fist.
And as always I grapple with my worth. Am I only doing/showing/posting something to get validation? To feed my ego and to inflate my sense of self worth? My worth is inherent. My worth as a human fucking being lives and flows through me regardless of what I post on the IG. Logically I know this but this shit is super insidious because I catch it creeping up often.
I also want to free up time. All that time I spent scrolling the same three apps could be used to finally write my book, read more books, do yoga, go on a walk, or play on the floor with my kids.
So you can find me here, and you can find the show on iTunes still (struggling with finding motivation with that as well but stay tuned) and perhaps I will post new episodes on Instagram over the next few weeks, just because let’s be honest that’s the only way to get shit out there on the internet.
I hope I find a little peace, and maybe some direction. I hope I strengthen the relationship with myself. I hope to not lose any of you along the way. Maybe you could all use a little unplugging as well?
As the little girl at the pool said the other day right after she mowed me down; sorry not sorry, for this grammatically incorrect, and profanity ridden post.