Get political

In light of this past weekend’s events in Charlottesville, Virginia I felt like I couldn’t keep to myself. I was taking this week off the podcast to bring you all fresh material next weekend and to start releasing episodes every two weeks for the duration of the school year but I decided it was important to put at least something out there this weekend.

To be silent at a time like this is to take the side of the oppressor, and that I just cannot do . I know its uncomfortable to have conversations like these where we must confront our privilege and use it for the benefit of others, rather than to aid in our discomfort while we remain silent. I have never walked through the streets of my town only to be seen as a nuisance or to be told I don’t deserve to exist, and my children will never know that life either. Unfortunately that is not true for the majority of our population and so because of that; I speak. I will not apologize for getting political or for making others uncomfortable.

The tie between body positivity, fat acceptance, feminism — all of these key interests of mine— and politics, is immense. In fact you actually can’t separate these issues at all.  If you leave all of these intermingling topics out of the equation, that is not intersectionality and that is not my feminism. So how can I get on my platform and take up space preaching acceptance for women and people of all sizes, ethnicities, genders, abilities, orientation, identity, and  you guessed it- race if I decide to stay silent about racial issues? The answer is I can’t. I call myself an ally on these fronts so I have to do the work.

It’s so easy to turn off your tv, tune out of the world, keep your opinions to yourself and of course God forbid we ever “get political,” but where the fuck does that get us? That gets us no where. That’s why its 2017 and we still have nazis running through the streets and spreading hate and violence. The truth is there are people that don’t have the damn luxury of tuning out of the racial issues because they’re the targets of it. As long as that is happening I can’t and won’t keep my goddamn mouth shut.

This is me being pissed, and spitting my truth out. I will no longer apologize for getting political, I will no longer apologize if I offend, or make people uncomfortable. For a while now I have been talking about truly political issues but was careful not to “get too political” because that’s “annoying.” Well fuck that. I am too damn mad to keep this to myself, and you should be too.

I was going to write a post today about empowerment, but I can’t even think about talking about anything else at a time like this. My heart goes out to all of those who were harmed by this disgusting act of domestic terrorism, and to anyone who is a victim of it on the daily. I am here as little or as much as you need me to be. I will use my voice when I can, and I will hand the mic to you when my voice does no good. I am your ally and you will never catch me being silent again.


So I decided to take a four week break (at least) from social media. My life feels really fucking fogged up by other people’s shit. I realized how entrenched I was in my damn screen and how easy it was for me to check out of my own life. I have too much self improvement to tackle to worry about everyone else’s mundane shit.

Don’t get me wrong, I am very grateful for social media and I definitely think it has its place but I guess I just wasn’t doing it right.

I suffer immensely with not being able to live in the moment.

We could be sitting in a room together having a great conversation and chances are that I am stricken with anxiety sitting across from you making a to-do list for as soon as I walk in the door; or fretting over how bed time is going to go. I live paralyzed by the future and the very certain uncertainty of life. And you know what exacerbates this? Social fucking media. Because I can tune out and numb myself to cope with the suffocation of perfectionism and the need to always be doing something. I realized it was a problem when I would be sitting with my daughter and closing and scrolling the same three apps for a considerable chunk of time. It’s like watching an episode of Black Mirror.

Something I am struggling with right now is slowing down and being present. This life is too good for me to not be able to live it without my smart phone clenched in my fist.

And as always I grapple with my worth. Am I only doing/showing/posting something to get validation? To feed my ego and to inflate my sense of self worth? My worth is inherent. My worth as a human fucking being lives and flows through me regardless of what I post on the IG. Logically I know this but this shit is super insidious because I catch it creeping up often.

I also want to free up time. All that time I spent scrolling the same three apps could be used to finally write my book, read more books, do yoga, go on a walk, or play on the floor with my kids.

So you can find me here, and you can find the show on iTunes still (struggling with finding motivation with that as well but stay tuned) and perhaps I will post new episodes on Instagram over the next few weeks, just because let’s be honest that’s the only way to get shit out there on the internet.

I hope I find a little peace, and maybe some direction. I hope I strengthen the relationship with myself. I hope to not lose any of you along the way. Maybe you could all use a little unplugging as well?

As the little girl at the pool said the other day right after she mowed me down; sorry not sorry, for this grammatically incorrect, and profanity ridden post.

You can’t snap-chat filter life

I am making a conscious effort to reject the idea of perfection. Okay okay I know what you’re thinking.. I have said this before. You’re right.. I have, and that just goes to show how insidious this shit is (at least for me). I am a very type A personality, with very natural tendencies to control and strive for “perfection” all while being a massive people pleaser. Here is where that thinking is problematic.. Not only is perfection an imaginary and arbitrary goal; it is not doing myself or anyone else any favors or adding any value to this world to be anything other than my real self. Which more often than not, is not going to look perfect.

We’ve all been in that moment where we are sitting on the couch scrolling through our Instagram feeds; subconsciously trying to numb out, when a perfectly posed, perfectly edited, beautiful photo catches our eye. Then all of a sudden.. “compare and despair mode, activate!” We are stuck conversing with this voice, “Oh she’s so much prettier than me,” “She is more successful than me” “She is happier than me” read: She is doing this right and I am doing this wrong. What level of that you want to admit to is yours but, we’ve all been there. No one can blame us, it’s this culture and world that we live in now. We are a culture of hyper-imagery. Everything is in our face and everything is beautiful. 

Reality is not always beautiful. 

So what do we do? What do I do? This is where I am at now..

I am taking a conscious vow to reject the pursuit of perfection. This is a hard fucking vow for me. Not in the sense of resisting the urge to re-do something that didn’t get done right the first time(let’s be honest I might never be able to let that go) but bigger than that. I am rejecting the idea that shit has to look, be, or turn out a certain way for me to be okay. I am disconnecting my self worth from how I show up or present in this world. I am giving myself permission to show up as messy as I need to and my voice is still worth being heard, and I still am worthy of taking up space.

It took me a while, but I did let go of perfection when it came to my appearance. But it was kind of like when an alcoholic goes to rehab and takes up chain smoking and Jesus as their new addiction. My problem transferred to other areas of my life. Was my work good enough? Was I successful enough? Was I a good enough mom? I had so much more time and mental space freed up from not worrying about my body that I got hit with a big ole’ “oh crap” about everything else.

Recently I have been taking note of some emotions (inferiority, general less than-ness) that come up for me, admittedly and embarrassingly enough.. on Instagram. Scrolling through my feed and seeing someones “perfect life” anywhere from friends to even peers doing similar work as me. My competitive side kicks in, and before I know it I am like googling the pair of shoes her kids are wearing. It’s pathetic. I did this before too, I had the whole mindset of, “if/then.” “If I get that skinny, THEN I will be that happy/successful/worthy of love.” I am so aware of it yet why is it still grabbing hold of me?

Here is where my new vow comes in. Not only am I making an effort to reject other people’s images as perfection and compare them to my own.. I am making an effort to show up just as I am. Because on the other side of this coin lies the possibility that in my effort to appear as beautiful, well lit, and well edited as some home girl I follow, I might have snuck into someone else’s head and preyed on their insecurities. (Of course none of this is intentional on any of our parts) So I am making an effort to intentionally show the wide range of moments in my life, if I am going to choose to share them.

This might look like me posting to my Instagram story because my kids are driving me insane and keeping me up all night and I have to share it so I don’t feel alone. Or going on a rant about something I feel passionate about regardless of the fact my hair looks like shit, there is laundry in the background, and I am not wearing makeup or a snap chat filter on my face.

Or it might look like me showing up to something new with out a clue as how to do it, taking a big risk with the very real possibility that it might all blow up in my face, or saying something that aligns with my values even if it goes against the grain. All while rejecting the pursuit of perfection.

It looks like unapologetically being ME and whatever that might look like at the time.

Here I am, totally imperfect. Take it or leave it because I don’t have a choice so I might as well embrace it.

Crack the hunger code


Guys I am so excited to be able to team up with Dr. Anita Johnston- author and recent podcast guest- to bring to you her FREE soul hunger video series. This is an amazing resource for anyone interested about their relationship with food.

In this society it is all too common to see people struggling with eating difficulties, or body image issues. I am here to tell you, you don’t have to live like that any longer.

In this multi part video series you learn the skills necessary to make peace with food and your body. You don’t have to have an eating disorder, or be in recovery to benefit from this. Obsessive thoughts about food and our bodies are so pervasive and validated in this culture, we can all benefit from a little bit more freedom.

Click HERE to get the FREE Soul Hunger Video Series!


There was once a Girl who wore her worth on her skin. She climbed in and climbed out, every day. She tended that skin with what was thought to be care, manipulating and controlling its every crevice, blemish, and curve. Only worthy of being seen in that skin if it was to be received well. What will they think of me today? Tuck here, trim here, hide this, hide that; she thought to Herself. To be embraced with acceptance is to be worthy. To be honored and revered for this skin was success. If the compliments stopped pouring, she retreated into Herself and tended harder. Tuck more, trim more, hide more; she thought to Herself. When she bathed in compliments, she tended to that skin even harder. The skin was flourishing but the soul withered away. Sense of self, sense of worth, and pure exhaustion dripping from Her with every  touch to that skin. Soon the Girl all but disappeared and she had nothing to put into that skin. Each day she deemed Herself unworthy of showing up as she shoved what little bits of Her were left into the skin. The skin was still revered but the girl could no longer care, as she had lost so much of herself along the way. The skin had been abused by others and now its very owner. Where could she find her worth now? She continued to climb into the skin each day. Another choice was not left. Inside it was hollow; except for the smallest amount of space the remaining part of Her occupied. Lonely, quiet, dark. She sat in the dark and slowly grasped for more. Day by day she filled the space inside the skin with love, passion, and purpose. The skin grew softer, more wrinkled, and less revered. Slowly the girl kept growing. After quite a while things changed. Her worth came from Her words, Her touch, Her love. The skin was now a vehicle for Her that she fueled, and cared for. The only reverence that mattered was Her own. The light from inside couldn’t be contained any longer. The skin shone light so bright others could no longer ignore. When people did shade themselves from her light, it changed nothing. Inside the soul flourished and the Girl lived once again. Today there is a girl who’s worth is worn inside.